When I was diagnosed with having bipolar disorder, the doctor reassured me about taking medicine by using the diabetes angle..."It's just as if you had diabetes. You would take insulin, wouldn't you?" I confess I've used the comparison to reassure family members.
What the dr didn't clarify was that the medicine doesn't make it go away or relieve all of the symptoms.
I'm a bit manic today- about an 8. I felt its onset this morning as I felt very shaky (you could see my hands shaking) but I thought it was because I hadn't had coffee yet or breakfast. But after a trip to the gym and running some errands, I felt worse. I had the shakes from head to toe- not visible ones, but inside ones. Worse than that though was that the airplanes were back.
Having manic thoughts is like this: Imagine standing in a room with four white walls and no windows. A paper airplane flies in and you reach up to catch it. Just as you are unfolding it to read the message written on the inside it flies off and begins circling around your head before flying off to the unknown. Whilst it is circling another airplane flies in and the process is repeated. At any moment in time you may have 5-10 airplanes in the room.
I was trying to explain what I was thinking to A and I couldn't speak fast enough. Bless him. He just came upstairs with me and held me like the anchor he is.
One method of coping is sleep so that's what I've done for the last few hours. The thoughts have calmed (there's no way I could type this if they hadn't) but I'm still a bit shaky.
What I have to fight off the hardest are the feelings of inadequacy. Because I was feeling like this today I could not attend a BBQ that I had planned on going to with A. I'm disappointed and frustrated that I don't have a "normal" brain like everyone else. But, I is who I is.
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